He will have the things he wants in life. He won’t be unaware of the fortune he has had to get to the places he has been. He won’t be oblivious to the fact that it wasn’t entirely hard work, but mostly that it was. He will have his friends and his family. He will have the house and the car. He already has the career.
The question is whether he will have the happiness he wants. Whether he is going to regret decisions that he made. Whether he is going to live out the remainder of his life looking back with dissatisfaction. There is little in his life that he has agreed to or done that he feels sorrow over. But the things he does, they are big things.
But he has also made the decision to try to move forward, to move upward, to put meaning into his life and his work. Everything else has become secondary. Or at least, that’s the plan. Chances are, he will still hide things about himself. He’ll still remain guarded and refuse to allow people in. He’ll put up those walls until he can find someone else to break them down. Or until that person finds him.
He’ll refuse to be jaded, he’ll refuse until it comes out in a lash of anger and bitterness. Like it always does. And then he’ll fail again. Like he always does. And he’ll be left to wonder if they’ll leave. Like they always do.
He’ll know it will be his own fault. And he’ll hate himself for it. And because he is a stubborn fool, he will let it go for far too long. Perhaps until it is too late. Maybe he’s better off being alone. Then he doesn’t have to worry about hurting someone, either emotionally or physically, least of all himself.
But liquor, that’s something that’s never let him down. Drink to forget until he forgets to drink. And if necessary, go to work. Pretend that everything’s okay. No one would be the wiser. He’s an actor, after all. All he needs to do is put his skillset to use offstage. Maybe if he pretends enough, everything will be okay. But no one really sees what’s in his head, the turmoil and constant storm that is. No one realizes just how much he dislikes certain people, or how hard he has to work to keep his mouth shut. And then they wonder what the hell is wrong with him when he finally does snap.
The question is whether he will have the happiness he wants. Whether he is going to regret decisions that he made. Whether he is going to live out the remainder of his life looking back with dissatisfaction. There is little in his life that he has agreed to or done that he feels sorrow over. But the things he does, they are big things.
But he has also made the decision to try to move forward, to move upward, to put meaning into his life and his work. Everything else has become secondary. Or at least, that’s the plan. Chances are, he will still hide things about himself. He’ll still remain guarded and refuse to allow people in. He’ll put up those walls until he can find someone else to break them down. Or until that person finds him.
He’ll refuse to be jaded, he’ll refuse until it comes out in a lash of anger and bitterness. Like it always does. And then he’ll fail again. Like he always does. And he’ll be left to wonder if they’ll leave. Like they always do.
He’ll know it will be his own fault. And he’ll hate himself for it. And because he is a stubborn fool, he will let it go for far too long. Perhaps until it is too late. Maybe he’s better off being alone. Then he doesn’t have to worry about hurting someone, either emotionally or physically, least of all himself.
But liquor, that’s something that’s never let him down. Drink to forget until he forgets to drink. And if necessary, go to work. Pretend that everything’s okay. No one would be the wiser. He’s an actor, after all. All he needs to do is put his skillset to use offstage. Maybe if he pretends enough, everything will be okay. But no one really sees what’s in his head, the turmoil and constant storm that is. No one realizes just how much he dislikes certain people, or how hard he has to work to keep his mouth shut. And then they wonder what the hell is wrong with him when he finally does snap.